Sunday, August 12, 2012

Student-teacher affairs ? how do they happen?

FantasyThere have been some famous scandals regarding the out of bounds student-teacher relationships, but how many of the romances of this type have remained secret along time? How can a didactical relationship become an affair and why? Which are the reasons why a teenager desires his/her teacher and how is it possible for the adult to accept such a relationship?

Parents worry about these student-teacher relationships, but teenagers see them as an interesting challenge, the crossing of the separation line between child-adult, an initiation and a fantasy. But how do the teachers fall for the desire, the people expected to be models for the youngsters?

Why are teenagers attracted by student-teacher affairs?

  • Idol ? the adult sitting at the teacher?s desk may almost become an idol for the teenager. He/she may find a model in the teacher; a person worthy of admiration. The student may be attracted intellectually, as well as physically by the teacher. He/she may feel the need to be as the teacher, to feel admired and appreciated by the academia. And it is a normal feeling, because when someone admires a person, he/she wants to be like the admired one, he/she wants to be appreciated and experiment sexual fantasies and dreams with that person (it is a frequent mechanism that also explains the boss fantasies). But while an adult knows how to draw a line between fantasy and reality and take the consequences into account, an adolescent is irresistibly attracted by the fulfillment of the sexual fantasy.
  • Forbidden relationship ? it is obvious that the affair between a student and a teacher is not allowed, forbidden. This makes the relationship seem even more attractive, especially in the eyes of the adolescent since in his/her eyes the rebellion and sedition stand as a special attraction. The teenager wants to break the rules and prove to be his/her own master while being special. Defying such strict rules by going to bed with a teacher is considered to be an extremely sensual challenge.
  • Challenge ? this is another aspect of the attraction exercised on the youngster by the student-teacher affair: it is truly a challenge to seduce a teacher. For the teenage boy, it is a sensual initiation, a crossing to the status of man ? an exceptional accomplishment. For the girl, it is an insurance that she is sexy, desired and that she is becoming the fatal woman that can have any man she wants. Teenagers find affection and sexual desire targets that are difficult to conquer ? and if they succeed, it is the insurance that they are able to do anything they want!
  • Teacher? in bed ? part of the student-teacher fantasy relies on the youngster?s belief that it would be extremely pleasant to have sex with such an experienced person. The student wants the teacher to initiate him/her in something more than the school syllabus. After all, it is an understandable fantasy, which also makes it dangerous?

Why is the teacher, the adult attracted by the student-teacher affair?

  • Flattery ? it doesn?t seem a proper excuse, but it is true! Initially, the teacher feels extremely flattered by the student?s admiration, by the fact that he/she is the target of an attractive youngster?s affection and desire. And even if the society generally accuses the teacher, precisely because he/she is supposed to be the responsible adult, the teacher mostly becomes the manipulated one ? being followed, flattered and seduced. The teachers who fall for a student?s admiration are those with low self esteem, people with problems in their own relationships, to the point that they feel extremely well once they know that a youngster wants them.
  • Sexual desire ? few (or none) of the teachers who accept having relationships with students really want to have a relationship with them. The attraction stands in the sexual desire, in accomplishing a sexual fantasy they used to be afraid of dreaming of (and sometimes this also stands for the student). The adult with a low self control who finds himself/herself in the situation of being alone, in private with the student that tried to seduce him/her may fall for the sexual desire and briefly ignore the consequences of his/her actions. Of course, this not only shows low self control, but also lack of responsibility and emotional maturity.
  • Rebellion and crisis ? we may also speak of rebellion in the case of adults. When the teacher feels unsatisfied by his/her life, the career as a teacher, the salary, the lack of respect for his/her profession may break down and enter a temporary state of rebellion ? during which he/she doesn?t care about the consequences of his/her actions and only wants to defy. When the emotional immaturity and the low Affairself esteem is combined with the sexual desire and the pleasant feeling of flattery, the emotion of feeling desired by an attractive youngster and a crisis (perhaps even a middle-age crisis), we get increased odds of having a student-teacher affair.
  • Sexually perverted ? we cannot fail to mention that indeed, in certain rare cases, the student is a completely innocent victim. There are some teachers with low self control, emotionally immature, with relating problems and sexual obsessions that may become sexual offenders.

However, teenagers must know an essential aspect: in addition to the unpleasant practical consequences of a student-teacher affair, the adult will never want a relationship, no matter if the student dreams that his/her idol, the ?favorite teacher will fall in love with him/her. For the adult, it is only a temporary loss of his/her self control. Even for the teenager: no matter how in love you feel, it isn?t love ? but merely the combination of all the previously mentioned aspect. This way, no matter how much you believe in the ?carpe diem? slogan, a real initiation, a crossing to the real status of adult means being able to know what is and what isn?t worth doing and what is and isn?t a mere sexual fantasy.

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